Warning: Triggering af. Satirical of some sort.
If you don’t know how to take a joke, I suggest closing this tab immediately. I made this list based on my observations.
Tight-fitting Branded T-Shirts
Nike, Adidas when you have a bit more money, if not, settle on imitation Supreme, Stussy and everything mainstream streetwear. DON’T. EVER. LAYER. Always flaunt, always stunt. Keep it a hunned.
Jogger Pants/Chino Shorts
This is the ultimate, and easiest way to become a basic pinoy. You have to buy these grail pants at Bench, or else it doesn’t count. Make sure they’re also longer than your legs so they stack quite well, making you look like Son Goku down on the bottom. The best shorts would also be the ones that would cover your knees or are super-duper tight on you that it kills your balls. Cause that’s ballsy. (Okay, lame pun, I’m sorry.)
Basketball Sneakers over everything
We love basketball, so we put basketball on everything. This isn’t just tied down to Filipinos by the way, American Sneakerheads also dress this way. But on to the topic, to become a basic pinoy dude, buy your favorite basketball player’s signature shoe, play basketball in them, and after using store– No no no. Use them with jeans and chino shorts! *thumbs up*
Sling Bag/Backpack + G-SHOCK
Preferably the cheap Nike Sling Bags that can be bought on Divisoria. Oh and while we’re at it, let’s add one G-SHOCK watch as well. Make sure your sling bag contains your cigarette/vape, your wallet and your android phone.
Matchy-Matchy Shirts and Shoes
We’re now getting more into the abstract side of things, but this can still be easily pulled off visually. It happens less now, but you can still spot them. The basic tip is really just know that your shirt has to 100% match with your shoes. If you’re wearing LeBron’s shoes, you’re top needs to have the words ‘Cleveland’ ‘Cavs’, ‘Lebron’ or his jersey number. Do that and you’re good to go.
As a basic guy, you need the mindset of a ruthless king who people can’t mess with. Walk with ‘swag’ (actually, boastfulness) and if somebody bumps you, jump out at them and start a verbal fight with a high, loud, shouting voice cause society is every man for himself.
Also, just a disclaimer just in case somebody accuses me, I have been in this phase before.